Certainty is knowing your big picture and having the confidence to change direction when the path alters
Once upon a time…
I have had a chronic arthritis since I was 19 years old and it is this condition that has driven me to find healing and then peace of mind for most of my adult life. I had big pain and my body deteriorated over the years, sometimes slowly and sometimes very quickly. The trauma I had, and still have lurking somewhere, is “will this be the day that I stop functioning and have to go into care.” When it was at it’s worst, waking up every morning was terrifying. When it was settled, I lived in denial land. Because my life was a combination of limited movements and time to think…
It did not take much for the fear to overwhelm me…
The arthritis had always been bad throughout my 20’s but the worst was yet to come. It hit me just after I started my spiritual journey. I was in the middle of it all, I did not understand the process and I turned to books, teachers, healers and psychics. My spiritual awakening began in the 90’s and Louise Hay was queen. I did all the “right spiritual things.” My medical condition did not improve, it marched on. It damaged my physical self and over the years it got worse before it got better. During the formative years of my “Self Awakening” I was made to feel shame that I could not heal myself with affirmations or the New Age way. Meditation became the stability I needed and it gave me time to reflect. I began to understand the correlation between the mental, emotional and the physical Self. So, I made it my mission to connect with the Divine Power of Spirit and find my own answers, my own way. The thing is, as much as I get frustrated with the New Age ideals, I intuitively knew there was something in what they were talking about. I could feel it on every level of my being. I just had to find out what that meant for me.
This is when I realised how my thoughts were crushing me…
I became anxious when I was found myself alone with my own thought processes. However, my Soul was showing me the way and many painful walls needed to be torn down in the process. If it sounds very dramatic and terrible…well it was. My thoughts were crushing me emotionally, mentally and physically. But I needed to be torn down to find my own Divine Spark. I’m not going to sugar coat it, the Spiritual Path was cruel and devastating and rewarding and peaceful and all the wonderful and terrible things at once. You wouldn’t have known to look at me but well worth the effort I put in.
So why am I telling you all this…
Whenever I found myself anxious, depressed, challenged by external influences, challenged by my own physical body, challenged by my own mental processes, anything that pushed me out of my comfort zone, I transformed that energy into healing. The one thing I want to emphasise is this, no-one did it for me. I wanted them to. I was angry and I wanted the teachers and healers to take it all away like they said they could. I was living as the victim and had to transform to the warrior.
I am my own healer, I have the power…
And so do you. You have the power to make the changes. You have the power to decide you want something better than what you have. You have the power to decide what is best for you. You have the power to make mistakes and amazing discoveries.
It’s about deciding what you want, what is the Big Picture…
I’m not talking about working it out all at once. My first decision was that life has to be better than this. Because I was meditating and tapping into the power of the Spirit world when I was doing readings and healings, I used the feeling I had in those moments to focus on. That was my first Big Picture, I focused on that feeling. I knew I could make the feeling a bigger part of my life and I wanted the peace I knew was possible.
You have to be prepared to change course…
When I started using a Big Picture as my focus I had some idea what that “should” look like. What I found was that I would get stuck along the way. I didn’t have to change my Big Picture but I did have to be prepared to alter what I thought it should look like. That is called “going with the flow.” I checked in with my feelings, I challenged my personal belief and value systems (and altered them accordingly) and I always sat in the FEELING of my Big Picture when I was confused. What it looks like might change, but the feeling has never altered. That feeling is my anchor.
I began to heal…
It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? I did heal, I healed my Soul. I get to live my life fully and am accepting of my reality. My body still carries the arthritis. I don’t like it but I understand it’s true purpose in my life. As I write this I am still realising that my Big Picture has never changed.
About the relationships along the way…
There are lots of teachers, healers, guru’s out there (hell, I’m one of them!), but they are there for guidance and support only. They assist you to find your own personal relationship with your body, mind and Spirit. I had loving and not so loving people along the way and each and every one of them were my support, my cheerleaders, my motivation and I would like to acknowledge them. They were, and still are, the best things that ever happened.
Self Awareness is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Knowing yourself and being honest with yourself is the only way to break those old patterns and begin to live your best life. Sometimes what we have built will crash, we lose people along the way and what we see in the mirror is confronting but the results are amazing.
Using tarot is a great tool to learn about yourself and create self awareness - I did the virtual expo on the weekend and one of the presentations was a mini tarot lesson. Because I read for myself, as an example, I realised half way during the reading that I had some issues surrounding my beliefs. I was amazed and in that moment I realised that I will never stop learning. The tarot uses all aspects of psychology, mystical, numerology, colours, symbology and intuition. It is a real one stop shop for Self Awareness. I would recommend that you forget looking for your future and use the tarot as your mirror.
Getting to know yourself helps you understand where you want to go - the more honest with yourself you can be the easier it is to map a path to your goals and Big Picture. When you have to alter your path it’s easier to make decisions when you do not have to sort through extraneous thoughts, sit in your feelings and HEAR your intuition.
How to be prepared to alter your course - don’t get dogmatic about what your future should look like. If things are not flowing, be like a leaf on the wind, let your creative mind go and find YOUR WAY. It always has to come from you.
Self doubt has a sneaky way of stealing your dreams
So why do I feel anxious?…
Anxiety is an emotion that lets you know things are changing or not quite right, for you . If you are not sure why you are anxious, I can assure you it is not helpful to chase it down. Everybody is different, and looking for “why” distracts from the “how” which in turn keeps you in fear based thinking. Anxiety is skipping a few steps in your thought processes and landing in the place where you have no personal power before you realise you have no personal power. In other words, you are sitting in thought number 5 when you haven’t dealt with thought number 1.
What to look out for…
Be aware of and name your feelings…
Your ability to know what you are feeling at any time will help you manage any runaway thoughts and misdirection. It is very easy to be afraid of feelings, they are uncomfortable or can feel like you will lose control. Naming the feeling gives you distance. Once you take a step back from yourself you can look objectively at the emotion. It is in this moment you can catch your breath and realise there is no immediate danger.
Don’t give your emotions a story…
Once you can identify the feeling, you are still feeling it. The discomfort does not dissipate immediately. In order to self soothe there is a desire to assign a story to that feeling, invoke a memory about the last time you felt like this. You think that if you solve the past memory the feeling will disappear. This will not happen, in fact it can severely slow the healing process. If you can, catch yourself before you dive in too far. This emotion is not this particular story, or any past story. It is just an emotion.
The past is the past…
The past may be remembered but it is over. The unique set of circumstances around your story no longer exist. Acknowledge the current emotion, let it sit with you without context and I guarantee it will pass with no residual feelings. You can even dredge up that old story and it will no longer pull you back in. It is not easy, it takes practice and it is worth every effort you are prepared to give it. Once you peel back the redundant emotional layers you have plastered over your stories you will uncover the masterpiece that is the true you. Your true self. That is an amazing discovery. You might even begin to like yourself.
What is spirituality?…
Spirituality is different for everybody. My belief is that when I am living my personal truth, being honest with myself and my intentions, adjusting where necessary to align with my Soul Purpose then I am being spiritual. Who I am as a person is defined by my reactions to my everyday life. I use my experiences to understand myself better. I objectively look at my responses and check in to see if they still align with my current beliefs and values. It’s very nuanced and the best way I know to get to know the real me. What does spirituality mean to you?
One other very important thing… no judging myself at all, ever!
Just one more thing…bloody empathy…
Check in with your feelings. Is this really about you? Are you being affected by someone else’s emotional state? You can not really take on someones else’s stuff however you can be emotionally triggered by their reactions. Use these methods to help you distance yourself from other people and their drama. Again, this takes a lot of practice but worth the effort.
My final word on anxiety…
In the time that I have worked with people I have been made aware of how their energy reaches out to the physical world and latches onto anything that gives them some meaning. I see the energy like cords or stretchy things that extend from the aura. Sometimes there are only a few, mostly there are too many to count (I wish I could draw what I see). I have always been shown by my guides that this is what exacerbates anxiety. The individual reaches for meaning in the physical world and gets tangled up in every body else’s business, thinking that this is their business. If you are feeling something and there is no immediate resolution or reason for your emotion then you would begin pulling in energy from everywhere around you, almost like a panic, to make sense of things. This distorts your own emotions and before you know it you are down the rabbit hole, sometimes taking years to recover. I like to remind my clients that we are energy, that we receive our wisdom from a higher source of power…The Universe/Spirit/God/Goddess… This power is not outside of us, it is within us and we are a manifestation of that power. If you want peace, go to the source. Learn to commune with the Spirit world/the universe/nature.
Here are some tips:
Meditate - I can’t stress this enough. Meditation helps you find yourself. Helps you find that centre of calm so that you can hear your Soul talking to you. If you think you can’t meditate, then it’s time to redefine what you think meditation is. Give me a call or message me and we can talk about it.
Be kind to yourself. Compassion is a state of being, not a state of doing. Start by being compassionate with yourself. When you are feeling your feelings, look at them with wonder and see how you actually cope with your circumstances. I bet you do not give yourself enough credit for the amazing way you live your life.
Spirituality = Self Awareness. Learn about yourself. Be honest with what you find out. If your beliefs need to change, change them. Change your mind if you need to. Forgive yourself if you find you have been reacting in an inappropriate manner, give thanks you are able to adjust said behaviour.
A Mindfulness exercise:
Take 5 deep breaths, to the navel, slowing the breathing down and focusing your mind on the breath going in and out.
Take note of something you can hear. It could be a car on the road or a bird outside, even roadworks. Name it and acknowledge it. Next take note of what you can see in your immediate environment. What catches your eye straight away? Name it and acknowledge it. Next, touch something, feel the texture. Name it and acknowledge it. Next, smell something. Identify it and acknowledge it. You don’t need to taste anything but you can include this too. You might taste the air or some food you happen to be eating. Again, name and acknowledge it. This exercise brings you back to your inner self. Once you are there, check in and acknowledge the anxiety. Has it calmed? If not, do you have an immediate cause eg. Walking across the road, being careful of traffic. If not, acknowledge the anxiety as something “other” and go about your daily tasks. The feelings will eventually make sense, resolve on their own or just disappear.
Have you ever had anxiety and wonder how you will get through the day?…
When anxiety becomes very intense for periods of time and then it wanes, you wonder how can that be? What causes it to be intense sometimes and disappear others times. I believe some forms of anxiety are because we are incredibly psychic/empathic and we have lost the ability to function effectively in a world that is overloaded with stimuli. There are many different therapies out there for managing your anxiety, especially when it interrupts your life to the detriment of your physical health. I have accessed those mainstream and alternate therapies since my 20’s, with much success. Neither is better than the other and I think they perfectly compliment each other. This is my story about anxiety and how I have managed it over the years.
My first life - the 80’s…
During my early to mid twenties I experienced some of the worse anxiety I have ever known. It was the 80’s and nobody talked much about mental health back then. It affected my whole life and left me physically crippled with fear for about 2 years.
I had something special deep in my Soul…
I wanted to fight for myself! And a deep sense of “this is not what my life is meant to be!”. In those days my psychic abilities were at their most basic level, that is instinct. So I fought, and I had a win, of sorts. I did operate on a reactionary level without reflecting on what this action, or the next, would bring to me. This is how instinct is used. You react. Mostly it works, but ilife feels like a pinball game and you are being bounced from one drama to the next, sometimes without a breath! For so many years we live like this. Having said that, my instincts directed me to the perfect counsellor, and with that I began the healing process. I began the lessons of Self Awareness and learning to hone my intuition. Although, I had no idea this was happening at the time.
So how come I can’t get my messages?….
Well, it all relates to how you listen for those messages. In those early days, in order to stop the crippling panic attacks, I had to listen/feel the subtle physical changes that meant another attack was coming. Once I was able to do this I developed tools to cut them off at the pass. Something I hadn’t considered until I reflected on it was that my body is the messenger here. When it comes to intuition, it’s not the loud, confusing voices in my head, it is the subtle language of the body.
You can replace your instinctive reactions with meaningful intuitive choices, really!…
By tuning in to your body’s subtle shifts and changes you too can begin to use your intuition and find decision making meaningful. Intuition is honing the brow chakra, or third eye. This is where we decide if our ideas, dreams, decisions and thoughts are fantasy or grounded. I am going to state this again - your thoughts are not your intuition. Your thoughts can come from a place of fear as well as wisdom so to rely on them solely tends to cloud the issue.
Over the years I found these activities to be quite useful.
Is there a bigger picture here?…..
How can you reconcile the position you are in at the moment if nothing feels right and no matter what you perceive to be the issue you are still moving slowly, backwards or not at all? If you’re
in this position right now, let me reassure is not always a bad thing. I know it feels frustrating but the devil is in the detail here.
When I say detail…
All the moments in your life, the signposts along the way, have a deeper meaning. Our first instinct is to search for that deeper meaning. You’re going to get stuck and feel frustrated if you go looking. Let me let you in on a secret, if you can’t find the meaning immediately then it’s not time to know. Your insights will only emerge once the self work is done. So chasing the “reason” is not going to make one bit of difference and creates suffering where there is no need.
So what difference would it make if I did know the reason now?…
Change takes energy, motivation and courage. We need to be able to trust ourselves and working through a life puzzle provides you with life skills and resilience to build that trust. KNOWING the reason can make you lazy because it’s easier to shelve “I’ll get back to that later”. UNDERSTANDING the meaning goes deeper into the Soul and gives you personal power. And who doesn’t want to unlock that power.
We all want life to be easier, don’t we?…..
How you embrace change is a personal choice. Being in that moment, then the next moment, that is where true power lies. In these moments you can tune into your SELF, you can actually feel the calm. You can take that calm and make it your reality. Our version reality is what we perceive of our material world and the creation of that reality is how we rationalise that information, the assumptions we make. If your past conditioning is talking to you and making you feel uncomfortable then your reality is ready for a change.
I feel out of place, like I don’t belong here….
Want life to be better? Your past is probably pulling you backwards. It’s time to take a look at your beliefs. Have you outgrown them? Becoming self aware means you no longer act on instinct, you act on intuition. That is true personal power. It’s called choice.
Some things to ponder…
“Let life happen”. Stop analysing every detail looking for meaning. If you don’t get it straight away then you don’t have all the information yet. Just get on with the task at hand. The world of Spirit that guides and loves us will give you the heads up when it’s time to act.
“Sometimes it’s not about you”. Often times our world can influence our reactions and emotions. Foster self awareness. Knowing yourself puts you in a better position to know others.
“You perceive what you believe”. A gentle nudge or a full on push will shove you out of any tunnel vision. Just roll with it and laugh. Humour is the best remedy.
The power you think you have is only a tiny fraction of what is available. The power of the spirit world runs through you all the time. Take time out to learn how to tap into this power.
Mind your own business. Use your objectivity when something doesn’t feel right. Be judgemental, by all means, it’s a useful tool. Persecution based on that judgement is not cool. Be discerning.
You’ve got to be able to laugh at yourself. Give yourself a break. This moment, this moment, this moment. They are the only things that matter. Find the fun, it makes the journey so much easier.
Remember, perception is the result of past conditioning. How you were raised, what you were taught in school. It’s not wholly negative or wholly positive. You will find that the most profound experiences which have been kept as a memory, form your current perception of the world you live in now. Those uncomfortable feelings are a message that something we considered “right” needs to be challenged if we want to make real changes for the better.
The best part of self awareness…NOW YOU GET TO CHOOSE
Insights I have gathered from my life experiences. Profound messages from my connection with Spirit.