This week on the road I was confronted with a dilemma, do I or don’t I...
I am not sure if I have ever shared it here but I have a disability which I have lived with since I was 19. Every once in a while I am faced with a decision about what physical discomfort I am prepared to endure in order to have a positive life affirming experience. Sometimes I must decline because the risks are too great, sometimes it is not as difficult as I expected and sometimes I give it a go and see how far I can take it. I was presented with a challenging bush walk and decided to see how I would fare. It was a little scary and there was potential for real damage but I used my intuition and made those conscious decisions step by step. As I was going along my walk I marvelled at how much I was able to achieve and reflected on the strategies I was employing. These are long term strategies I have had to use all my adult life and I use them every day in my spiritual work as well. I was so, so proud of myself, that I gave it a go and did not let my fear take over. You don’t have to have a disability to find yourself at a dead end and maybe you will recognise some parts of yourself here. So what was it that made the day so amazing....
Accepting help: Not just asking for help...accepting help. I realised that one of the hardest hurdles I had faced is not about asking for help, it was actually realising I needed help. Once I used to be so wrapped up in my idea of independence that it was not on my radar that I could even ask for help. I truly believed I had to do it all myself. It took a friend to really sit me down and explain the suffering she witnessed and how help would improve my quality of life. I was gobsmacked, I had no idea I was living so poorly. It did take some convincing and trust that I would not be ridiculed for not being “able.” It changed my life and it improved the respect I had for myself, once I understood that to believe I deserved help before it worked for me. On my walk I had help and, I asked for help whenever I needed it and, I accepted help when it was offered, with no feelings of embarrassment. That was simply because I believed I deserved this amazing experience and I was going to accept all that was on offer to achieve it. I wasn’t going to miss out!
Anxiety is my friend: I was anxious most of the time because some of the walk stretched my physical limitations and I did not want to fall over or slip. My anxiety was my watch dog and my moderator. It kept me focused on every step. I truly practiced mindfulness because every step counted. As a result I was fully immersed in the amazing contour and texture of the gorge I was travelling. I did not have much thinking time for any problems or worries. I was fully present. Thank you anxiety :)
Be creative: all my adult life I have been in training for this walk. There were some parts where I was very physically challenged and the person who was supporting me made suggestions that were very logical and sensible. I showed him my solutions which were funny to watch but worked for me. Sometimes I had to slide along on my backside, sometimes I had to take a long way around. My years of living with limitations has always paid off with my expanded creative mind. I’ve had to work my personal solutions for every day activities that most people do not have to think twice about. I’m very proud of that.
Letting go of what others think of me: If you’re a Friends fan then you may remember the episode where Rachel snubs Phoebe because of her running style. I’m Phoebe most of the time. I move in a weird way, I make noises like tennis players sometimes to get me past a pain moment but mostly I am slow and thoughtful. I look clunky and in the past I’ve had loved ones make some disparaging remarks. Sometimes random people would be impatient and nearly knock me over trying to get past me. I laugh about it now but once upon a time it made me different and I didn’t want to be noticed like that. I have had some very embarrassing moments, some very traumatic moments and some very sad, sad moments because of my disability. I use those moments now to keep me going. I remember what has been stripped away, there is not much more to be exposed and I weigh up the option of doing nothing and missing out or having a go and maybe I will feel better about giving it a go, too bad if I look funny. Even I laugh about it now, so many silly moments....
The end result of my travels through the Karijini National Park...I won!! I did it and I didn’t get scared and run away, I problem solved and my reward was to swim in the most amazing natural water pools in a truly spiritual place.
I consider myself fortunate these days. If I did not have this disability I would not be where I am, doing what I love. I overcame fear of rejection, I learned my value and I live my true self. If I did not have this disability I would truly be lost, I was heading that way when it struck. It has taken me years of training and determination to have the best life and times I knew was waiting for me. I eventually realised that nobody and nothing was going to swing by and fix it. I chose to make it better. I chose life.
Do you know what happened once I made that choice.... Spirit stepped in and lifted me to even greater heights than I could imagine. That’s how I live and that is why I do what I do. My mission is to help you understand your power. When you access that power and begin to choose your own adventure, life begins. The signs and guides you are looking for make themselves known. They can only help when you are working for your highest good. You show yourself you’re worth it and it is reflected in the help you receive. You show yourself you are not worthy and that is reflected in the help you receive. The way forward is in your hands, what will you choose?
With love, Vicki xx
Past Life Regression
Tarot Reading School
Insights I have gathered from my life experiences. Profound messages from my connection with Spirit.